Body Positivity and the Struggle to finally find it

So for a lot of my life, I have always dealt with problems regarding my body and how i looked in the mirror. From the fluctuation of my weight to the hair on my body, I can’t remember a time i was truly happy with the way i looked. Since the 2nd grade and quite literally up until now, i’ve always had problems with my weight. I was and still am, quite hairy as well. And yes, you guessed it, i was bullied in elementary school for the way i looked–fat and hairy. They called me a fat gorilla back in the day. Oh the joys of early 2000s childhood education, am i right?

Anyways, back to the weight thing; I’ve dealt with it since elementary school and ever since then, being told by MOSTLY family members that i was too fat and that “little girls like me shouldn’t be as big as i was”. Which fine, children shouldn’t be too overweight, it’s not healthy. I guess i understand where they were coming from when i was in grade school. They were worried for my health, sure. Let’s go with that. But the reminder that my body never looked however it was “suppose to” look to them was a reminder that i was either: too fat, not pretty enough, or a mix of both. Which, let me remind you in the middle of your prepubescent years and all throughout your puberty years, hearing that shit sucks dude. And hearing these constant reminders that i’m not skinny or i need to lose “just a bit more weight” took a toll on my self-esteem and self-worth and how i viewed myself.

Even when i was at my smallest 3 years ago at about 123 pounds, i was STILL not happy with how i looked. Because all those years of torture from those bullies in grade school and the family members that would remind me that i’m still not skinny enough, took my body positivity away from me. Not to mention what the media portrays on TV with how “women are suppose to look like” and those beautiful Victoria Secret Models, comparing myself to what i was seeing on the media, of course i still wasn’t happy with the way i looked. How can I with all of these unrealistic expectations that i was looking at on the TV? It’s just sad really, that even at my very smallest i wasn’t happy and i’m sure so many other people feel that way too. Being torn down by so many people from a young age really does something to your psyche.

And now here i am. After about 12 years of being ridiculed and told I was “too fat”, I am finally starting to accept the way i look and embrace myself. At almost 21 years old and i am only NOW feeling good about myself, sure, i have my off days where i look at myself in the mirror and don’t like the way i look or how a certain part of me is shaped, but now I can say that it’s okay. That it’s okay to have love handles, that it’s okay that when i sit down my gut decides to have rolls, that it’s okay to have cellulite on my butt and thighs. All of that is okay. I am only human. None of us are perfect human beings with whatever the hell a perfect body looks like. We are all beautiful in our own ways.

So if there is one thing i wish people can stop doing; stop ridiculing others on the way they look. And I’m not just talking about those who are above that “perfect weight” whatever the hell that means, I’m also talking about the thin people. Stop shaming people for being too skinny and stop shaming people for being too fat. You don’t know what is going on in their life for them to look like that. Maybe they’ve always looked the way they have, regardless of what it is. STOP IT. We need to stop tearing people down and start bringing people up. If you feel healthy and good about yourself and you feel like you can own it, girl, WORK IT. Embrace your body and flaunt what you have because baby, we only have one life to live and have only one body to live that life in. So we better own the shit out of ourselves because we are all beautiful human beings no matter what shape we are. Love yourself, it’s hard and it might take a long time to start doing it, but i promise you once you get there it is the best feeling in the world.

☮️

 

 

**just so i don’t get told off–i do not own the picture that was featured for this post, i found it off google. All rights to the OG artist**

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