Me at 21

This is me at 21.

 

Writing this at a late hour of the night because i am realizing that i have neglected my cute little blog that i decided to make for myself in hopes of channeling my creativity through a public outlet.

With my hair tied up in a messy bun and Adidas shorts in my wrinkled bed sheets that i decided not to make this morning and with a fully read copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on my nightstand because i keep forgetting to put it in my bookshelf.

This is me at 21.

Still unsure of what my future will hold and what exactly my aspirations are.

Which makes everything seem just THAT much more scary than what it has to be, but i also keep telling myself that everyone feels that way. However for some reason i keep thinking that i am the only one on the face of the planet that feels that way nonetheless.

Scared that i’m going to be still working retail in a possible 5 years time and that i still wont know what i want to do with myself and with my life.

Also scared that my parents wont appreciate all the hard work and effort that i’ve put into school and work and trying to find a decent job in the field im studying because all they see for right now is a silly little girl working a silly little retail job–which in their eyes “isn’t a real job”. Whatever that means.

This is me at 21.

With some pretty fucking amazing friends. 2 in which i’ve known for about 13 years now and just so grateful they’ve stuck around even though we’ve had some years we’ve been distant. And for the other amazing bunch whom i’ve only met as of last year and hope to god these amazing, beautiful, and hilarious people get to stay in my life as long as possible because i am just so grateful to have met every single one of you when i did.

I also have a matching fucking amazing boyfriend too. Who loves me unconditionally even when i act stupid and a bit too over-dramatic over the littlest of things. Who i’ve spent the last 4 years laughing, joking, and getting into very strange situations in the fridge department of a JC Penny with. God, you are truly something else and i adore everything there is about your human.

With so much love in my body that i never think people feel it as much as i give it.

This is me at 21.

Wanting so bad to be a “real” adult and to move out as soon as i can, because seeing all your other friends in their own apartment makes you feel a little self conscious that you’re still living with your parents.

But then telling yourself it’s fine and that everything is fine because everyone has their own path in life and things will happen when they happen for you.

But you’re also hoping you’re not going to be moving out at 30 years old because you rather not be living a depressing life.

This is me at 21.

As sarcastic as i think i’ve ever been to the point where i think i have to reevaluate myself because some people might take it the wrong way and think im rude.

For the record, me at 21 is not rude. I’m quite the opposite.

Also cracking a lot of jokes that you THINK are funny, when in reality it probably isn’t….but lets face it, you are KIND of funny.

Right?

This is me at 21.

Remembering the multiple times you have been told by various of different people throughout your entire young life, that you are going to be doing great things in life.

That you’re different.

That you are going to go far, kid.

That your eyes says it all.

Yet, wondering what the hell these people were talking about because its been 21 years and yet here i am, in my average little bedroom writing silly little blog posts about who you are at 21 years old.

Maybe people just say that as an encouragement strategy to young people?

I don’t know. I always had a little tug inside me telling me that they were right. That one day you WILL do great things.

This is me at 21.

But who even am i, right?

 

☮️

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