I’m pretty sure i’ve said this in a previous post about me learning to stop comparing my life to those of my friends, but for the love of God is that hard. So let me start off by saying sorry about the constant repetitiveness of my blog posts, but i’m struggling with this feeling a lot lately. So bear with me.
Lately i’ve really been yearning to leave this place and by place i mean this city. I am just so tired of this city, i’ve been here my whole goddamn life. I look around and there is nothing for me to look at anymore, i look around and i just feel bored and distant, like i don’t belong here anymore. As if my time here in this city is up. I know that sounds so morbid but it’s true. I feel empty in this city nowadays. Which makes me feel horrible because i don’t want my friends to think its them or that i want to leave them–trust me i don’t which is why i have been struggling with this whole feeling, i don’t want to leave my friends or family.
But when i look at all of my other friends who have come from all different parts of this country and see them thriving and loving this city so much, i feel like i can also have that if i were to leave this place. I feel like maybe home for me now is someplace else other than Boston (oh look a random fun fact for new readers! Don’t get the joke? Read my very first blog post to have a good chuckle). I don’t know man. Again, there is another part of me that feels almost guilty of feeling this way because i should be grateful for living and growing up in such a big and thriving city where there is so much work and so much opportunities. I feel almost like an ungrateful inner city kids.
I shouldn’t feel that way though. I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to leave should i? No. I don’t think so….I mean, look at all the other people in the world that leave their home town or city and completely move to a new and unknown place. They’re doing great, I’m sure. I also just feel like I’m missing out somehow on not leaving Boston and finding a new place to call home even if for a little while. I feel like that’s an adventure in itself and that i would be able to even figure myself more if i were to pick up and move to a completely different place. I dont know man. Maybe I’m just over thinking this.
Or maybe I’m not. I just want to get out of here man. Meet new people, enjoy new sights, sounds, and smells. Enjoy the colorful buzz of a bustling new and unexplored city. I’m just yearning to leave this place, it’s home…but it’s also not at the same time. I wish i could explain this feeling but that’s the best i can do right now. I need a new place to love and call home…is that so much to want and ask for?
I don’t know.
**just so i don’t get told off–i do not own the picture that was featured for this post, i found it off google. All rights to the OG artist**