The Feeling of “I don’t care”

You ever over done something so much that you literally just don’t care about doing it anymore? Yeah, thats me right now. I’m sure you yourself have felt this feeling a lot of times in the duration of your life span so far. Maybe you’ve over worked yourself for that bomb ass promotion only to be rewarded with nothing, especially not that promotion you worked so hard for. So you sort of just don’t care any more.

You don’t care about the work you’re putting into whatever you’re doing because you’ve tried so hard and maybe haven’t felt the satisfaction you were looking for. Or maybe you’re just bored of the work you’re doing because it is becoming so repetitive in nature that you aren’t inspired by it anymore, or you aren’t learning anything new to help you keep going. So you just DON’T care.

Which is awful in all retrospects of the word. Awful because you’re giving up what little hope you might have had for this drive you initially had for this thing you were doing. Whether that be homework, work to get a promotion, or just the over all impending work that you need to do in order to graduate from college.

Because that’s where i’m at right now, if we’re being honest.

Now i might be sounding a little over dramatic, and to be fair, i am being quite dramatic.

But still, I’ve been in college for 4 years now, I’m on my 4th year and that usually means people are getting ready to graduate. WRONG. So, so, SO, very, WRONG. You see, my story goes like this:

I picked a school i liked, got there. Wasn’t exactly blown away by it as i was the time i had toured the campus. Started classes, they were alright. Figured out i was one of only 4 students on a what….2,000+ student population on campus who is studying what i am studying. Mind you, I’m studying Sociology which is a pretty normal thing to be studying at a liberal arts school. So when i learned that i was only 1 of 4 students, i was fucking blown away and almost annoyed because we werent’ getting the right help and attention we needed to be guided in the right direction for our majors.

Fast forward a year of being there, I transfer over to a new school thats in the city that is already 1000% times better for me in regards to my major…aaaaaand i learn that i pretty much have to start from scratch AGAIN. So here i was, redoing my freshman year of college because for some reason the classes i took at the previous school were essentailly irrelevant for the school i had transferred to.

And so here we are. The present. 4 years after my initial start of college and still considered a “junior” because of the amount of credits i am currently holding. And honestly, it fucking sucks. Sucks knowing that i could have been done in a couple of months yet I am still having to take a shit load of useless classes that are 100% completely useless for my major. So yeah. I really don’t care anymore. I don’t care because i have done so much work and it sucks seeing a lot of people you went to high school who’ve already graduated or getting ready to graduate and you’re pretty much left behind because of something that you picked wrong for yourself.

I don’t care and it’s sad.

Sad because it disheartens me to even keep going. Dropping out is starting to look more and more shiny to me every day with the more i stop caring. But i know i dont want to do that. I dont want to drop out because i feel like ive worked so hard only to have been dealt another year of pain staking useless work just to get a piece of paper that says “I’m educated, hire me” but then, not to get hired any where because the economy and world we live in is so horribly toxic for my generation to even try and get a decent job that can pay the astoundingly over priced apartments that are in any city and—-BREATHE.

You’re going off tangent.

Sorry. The weight of the world just dropped on this keyboard. I don’t want to get to deep because this isn’t what this is about…heh.

Essentially, I’m bored of doing the same things, taking almost the exact same classes that do no good for my major just because some higher institution thinks i will benefit from a class that talks about tourism in the United States…wut fun. I just don’t care and it sucks because i have to.

Can graduation come any quicker? Oh wait.

It can’t because that ain’t till Spring of 2019, babe. *eye rolls the fuck away from my laptop*

☮️

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