10 Hours Left

So you know those things that pop up on your Facebook telling you that you have “memories” to look back on? Well, i decided to look back on what todays “memories” on Facebook held for me and i came across those like…tag posts that i would write. You know what i’m talking about. The ones you’d find on the internet that just asks a bunch of questions that are related to the “theme” of said tag post and then you answer said questions. The theme of this particular tag post was essentially what i had experience in the year 2010. I was 14 years old in the year 2010 and its laughable to read back on the answers i had written down back then for some of the answers. Let’s just say that i was angsty and petty at things that probably weren’t even worth the time and emotion haha.

But looking back at that tag post, made me want to sort of look back at this year, for all the good–which was about like 15% of the year–and the bad, which actually took up the other 85% of my year. Okay, maybe i’m being a little over dramatic about 85% of my year being bad….but it was a pretty shit year okay? So let me live my life.

And in true nostalgic fashion, i’m just going to list down all my goods, bads, and firsts, i experienced this year with a few bits that i’ll touch upon a bit more in depth, that i felt really stood out for me this year. Does that make sense? No. Well it’s fine. You’ll figure it out as you go. Okay, well. Here goes nothing:

#1: Got into my first ever car accident this year which sucked. Sucked even more since it was on my boyfriends birthday. Sorry boo.

#2: Got high for the first time and a couple of other times throughout this year. It’s fucking weird, i’ll say that.

#3: Had a real shitty beginning of the new year in every single shape, way, or form that you could possibly think of. No, i’m not being dramatic with this.

#4: In this year alone I’ve had 3 different jobs. This doesn’t sound like a negative but to me it is. 3 is a lot, fam.

#5: I met some pretty dope people this year and got close to a good handful of them.

#6: Also of those people, I’ve lose touch with a few of them which sucks but it’s okay because that’s how life goes.

#7: Literally attended a party that celebrated the fact that me and other coworkers left a toxic work environment. It was hysterical.

#8: At said party, because it was still early in the year and i was still trying to control the emotions i was having because of how shit my life was going in the new year, i got belligerently drunk–somewhat on accident and somewhat not–that i blacked out and can barely remember how i ended up on my friends couch.

#9: That same night that i was belligerently drunk, i ended up vomiting in an Uber costing one of my friends $175 worth of an Uber ride and another friend her actual fucking back pack. I’m telling you guys, i was a FUCKING MESS THE FIRST 5 MONTHS OF THE YEAR. SOZ.

#10: In the span of about 2-3 months, i got 5 parking tickets all above $50 and got towed around 3-4 times. Before this year i had NEVER gotten any form of ticket IN MY LIFE.

Have I told you guys how much of a mess i was? Oh wait.

#11: In that span of 2-3 months getting tickets and getting towed. I didn’t have a job, so i was essentially using up all of my savings to pay off all the stupid tickets that i was getting. Bad Luck Betty if i’ve ever seen one.

Okay let’s start getting a BIT more positive now, huh? It’s getting depressing af in here;

#12: This year was the year i finally told myself that i need to love my body for what it is. I have always had body image issues growing up and it’s mostly because of family members telling me what i should and should not look like. And this year i was fed up with those comments, so i told myself that i need to block out the motherfucking haters and to just love myself. If i want to eat Taco Bell, i am. If i want to eat a salad with Quinoa rice, i am. This is the first time in my entire life that i can look in the mirror and be genuinely happy with what i see, regardless of what i look like. Do i have abs? No. Am i size 2? No. Am i 120 pounds? Absolutely not, but to me i feel and look great and honestly that’s all that matters and i’m sad to think that i’ve gone 21 years of my life hating my body. But it’s all okay because what matters is that i do finally love my body for what it is and what it looks like.

#13: I’ve had a lot of self-discovery this year too. I figured out who i am, what that means, and SORT OF where the fuck i want to go. i use the term sort of VERY loosely. Just like the rest of you, there is still uncertainty on what i want to do for the rest of my life.

#14: I don’t care what other people think of me as much as i used to. I’m a type of person that feels A LOT. And by feel, i mean i experience things a lot more deeply than the average person. Things affect me much more than it might affect someone else. I think about things more than what i should and think about the consequences and effects it’ll have on me and other people which thinking about it now–its’s exhausting to do all the fucking time. So, this year I kind of relaxed with caring so much about what people think and say about me. I didn’t let it affect me as much as i would have used to let it affect me. Now, don’t get me wrong, it was super hard for me to let go of what people said or comments people would have about things regarding myself or the people surrounding me but i did it. It’s hard and I’m still actually trying to learn not to care as much about what people think, but comparing myself now to what i used to be, I’m in a way better place now. A lot more positive. I don’t want to let go the part of me that feels a lot. I think that separates me from most people and it makes me who i am as a person, but i am glad that i am learning to just separate the things that truly don’t matter and the things that actually do matter.

#15: I’m part of a friends non-profit organization. I’m going to be designing T-shirts and be the creative and artistic side of the non-profit, which i am very excited about because it gives me an outlet to channel my art and my creative ideas. Check out his non profit here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/732680406913083/about/

#16: I went on a great vacation in the summer to Florida with my boyfriend. It was fun, relaxing, and everything that i needed to fucking RELAX from the messed up first few months of the year i had.

#17: Maybe it’s just me, but i’ve definitely gotten closer to my two best friends this year too which is nice because i wouldn’t want to have experienced this year without them. They were a crucial part for me in all the good thats happened this year. Thanks y’all.

#18: My boyfriend and I celebrated 5 years of being together and honestly that’s a fucking milestone in itself in this day and age of dating and relationships so I’m very happy that i get to call him my partner in everything.

#19: I started to bake a lot more this year which i’ve realized might be a passion of mine. I am always so incredibly happy and content when i bake. I love the process of making baked goods and seeing the final results when they come out of the oven. I love the accomplishment that i feel knowing that the things i make from scratch look AND taste amazing.

#20: I created this blog this year too. Creating a blog has also been another dream of mine. As silly and millenial-esque as that sounds, it’s true. I’ve also learned that i love to write. Mostly about everyday things that people can HOPEFULLY somewhat relate to. I think this blog has been a great outlet for me to express my feelings on certain things, my frustrations, and overall just my wild thoughts that roam around in my head on a daily basis. Now, to be fair i did leave for a solid couple of months this year, leaving my blog a little dusty and rusty, but i do promise in the new year there will be more content from me and on here. I want this to be a place i go to more frequently rather than a place to sort of just come to every once in a while. It’s sort of like a really public diary. Except….i don’t want this shit to be a diary. What am i, 12? All jokes aside though, I do have some cool and interesting blog posts planned out for this new year coming. One of them being an interesting project that will involve many people within my community. Once I’ve figured out the kinks in it, it should be posted on here in 1-2 months time. But between now and then, don’t worry, there WILL be other shit to follow and read on. I PROMISE.

Okay and i think I’m going to leave this shit at #20. 20 feels like a pretty solid number to end on and i feel like there was a pretty good mixture of both my good and bad of 2017. So that was my year of 2017. I don’t usually ask questions at the end of my posts, but to anyone reading and willing to answer: How did your 2017 end up being? Was there good? Was there bad? Was there more of one than the other? Can we all just agree that this year was one hunk of flaming shit?

I don’t know man. I’m just ready to kick this new year off and start a fresh new chapter of this so called life we live in.

Is that so much for a girl to ask for?




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