That’s what most people would say if you say that you are feeling too much. That you are too emotional and that you are too sensitive. Well, sure. Maybe you are just a little bit more sensitive than most people, but you don’t resonate with being emotional because it’s not like you’re crying or feeling some type of emotion all of the time. It is only at certain times and specific events in time that you go through that you experience these pure raw intense moments of emotion. My friends always say that i let things affect me too much. That i need to just relax and not be so emotional.
But thats the thing. I literally can’t.
For me, i love HARD. Love is an emotion that i most frequently feel hard with (wow there are a lot of weird sexual innuendos here and i promise i dont mean to over due it here but hard is the best word i got for the intensity of emotions right now lol). If i love you, whether it be as a friend, lover, family, dog/animal, whatever it may be, if i love, i will love you with literally my entire soul. My soul is in you (I’m SO SORRY. This all sounds so weird lol) But its true. Im a type of person who just loves hard. So i dont know about any of you reading this, but its hard to maneuver around life like this. Others just don’t really seem to get it and sometimes its definitely tough.
Like when someone you love says something slightly hurtful to you, because you love so hard, whatever comment it may be can hit you like a truck. Now, im not saying this for every single stupid mean comment that comes out of their mouth, it’s more for when they say something that you would have never expected them to say. So, depending on how much you love this person and how much they are apart of your life, something as small and stupid like a back handed compliment could either sting, or hurt like a pile of bricks. It makes you think sometimes; Do they feel this much? Do they get it? And of course you come to the realization that not everyone is like you. Not everyone will feel as much and as hardly as you do. And you realize that you are going to have to deal with it.
You’re going to have to live your life knowing that not everyone feels as deeply as you do. That not everyone quite literally wears their heart out on their sleeve. And that is PERFECTLY okay. You can deal with that. You just have to remind yourself every now and then that not everyone understands. Not everyone can understand how deeply you care about everything and everyone. That is just a part of life that you will get through. I know i have.
Its definitely been a long and (lol) hard journey, but im slowly starting to, not completely diminish the deep love i have for people, but just not let things that they say affect me so much where it gets me into a deep slump. There are going to be days where words might get me into a slump, but the next day i remind myself that it is okay and that i am still learning to deal with feeling so hard (okay i think we’re done with that phrase for today).
Not gonna lie, this was a little hard for me to write. I feel sort of vulnerable writing about how STRONG (and
hard SORRY) i feel about things. How strongly i feel for people because at the end of the day, like i said, not everyone is the same way. So i do not want to be judged because of the way i feel things, its just who i am. There are other people out there i’m sure that feel just much as i do about things.
I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense but i hope it does for someone who is out there struggling with feeling too much and too hard. It’s been a hard few days and i needed to just get this out on (digital) paper. But paper nonetheless.