Thank God it’s 2017

So i was on my way to school this morning when i was taking a look back at 2016 and thanking God that 2017 so far has been immensely better. Now, I’m not saying that 2017 is better in a world view kind of way, because let’s be honest; the world isn’t doing so well right now given our political climate. However, 2017 has been better for me personally. I’m not going to go into too much detail but a lot of significant days last year (i.e major holidays, birthdays, etc) were not the best or ended up being some of the worst days of that year or one of the worst holidays, birthdays, etc, of them all. And after the year ended i told myself that i will try and make this year a lot better for myself. A year of self love i told myself and for right now, i believe that it is going smoothly and that i am loving myself a lot more than i was last year or any previous years.

I also seem to be having a lot more fun this year. Don’t get me wrong, i had a lot of fun in 2016 and i met a lot of people that were part of the reasons why i was having more fun than usual. But now knowing that those people that i met are in my life for hopefully a long time makes me excited and joyful to know what other kinds of fun we’re going to have this year. I also feel like those people truly helped me grow into my “true self”, whatever that means. I don’t know. I just feel a lot more at ease with who i am and what i believe in. I used to doubt a lot last year and be fearful of consequences, but now…i don’t know. I just feel more accepting of the consequences to certain actions. Maybe this is what it’s like to be an adult? Lol. Who knows really, because i’ve already made some stupid decisions already this year. But hey, at least i’m learning, right?

But yeah, i think i’m rambling on here now. What i was just trying to get across is that 2016 was a pretty shitty year in all aspects of life, personal for sure and of course world wide. But now almost 5 months into the new year, there definitely had been more ups than downs for me personally which i am currently enjoying. I’m embracing myself more, feeling more confident, and just loving myself like i told myself to do as my “new years resolution”. And i hope you, whoever you are reading this, is doing the same. Love yourself, dude. And if this year is harder than the last….well….try and make the rest of the year not as shitty as the last. I’m sure it’ll be hard but hey, we’re learning how to deal with life. We’re still young. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them. So embrace yourself and your mistakes! Theres nothing more satisfying than looking back on a bad year and seeing yourself now and saying “Wow, i’m so glad i’m in a better place now.” So love yourself! Because let’s be honest, loving yourself is a whole lot more easier to do than to try and go back to the gym. AMIRITE?

Creative Energies and Writers Block

Okay, so i’ve been on a bit of a writers block this week. It really damn sucks when i feel a big blank and i can’t think of anything to write about. Even before i created this blog, i was writing in my little journal that i had or just conjuring up thoughts in my heads and creating things out of thin air and even then i would come across a lot of writers block. I wonder why this all is. Am i not being creative enough? Am i not exerting enough of my energy in things that i know i love doing? I know i said no fun facts in my very first blog post but here’s a fun fact for ya: I’m like really into art and i’m really good at it too. Okay, maybe not really good since its been so long since i sat down with a pen and paper and let my talent run wild, so i’m probably rusty now, but i was good at art.

Let me break this down real quick though, i was really good at doodling, sketching, and cartooning mostly. I would draw whatever my heart desired and i would hate when people would tell me to “draw them” because….like….no, i’m not going to do that lol I don’t want to. If i did, i would’ve done it ages ago. I was also never really confident in my skills given that i taught myself to draw beginning at the age of maybe…9? So of course i would never want to draw a person in a realistic style; my skills were only so limited to what i taught myself and what i picked up over the years of watching videos of others draw and the art and media around me. And over the years, starting from about 5 years ago, i sort of stopped exerting my artistic talents….not because i wanted to stop. Of course i didn’t want to stop. But I don’t know, somewhere along the line i just put down my pen and my multiple sketch books and gave myself a….rest? I guess? I mean, i didn’t need a rest but let’s just call it that, shall we?

On to my writing block. As i said a couple lines ago, I’ve always written things. Whether that be in a journal or on a random little scrap paper, i loved to write. English was always my favorite class growing up and i secretly loved writing papers and being able to just write all of my thoughts and/or opinions on a piece of paper and call it mine. I even enjoyed being told what to write about because even then, in my own little mind, i twisted it around so that it sounded like me, like it sounded like my own voice. I don’t know. I don’t think I’m making any sense, but i just really love to write, okay?

So whenever i get into a funk and i can’t think of anything to write about, it frustrates me. It frustrates me because why can’t i think of anything to write about? Have i lost all of my ideas? Have i lost my “touch”? Obviously these are just young me being a little over dramatic, but that’s how i feel sometimes which sucks. And i guess that feeling can be linked back as to why i sort of stopped drawing and sketching. I let all of those negative feelings and thoughts get to me so much to the point where i just stopped drawing/sketching. Wait, did i just solve my own problem? Looks like i did. That wasn’t even planned out either. I never plan out any of these posts, i sort of just let things come to me. But I’m glad that i sort of figured out my funk for my artsy skills. As for my writers block, I mean…I don’t know. I guess i just have so many things i want to write about that i don’t know where to start next. Which sounds a little obnoxious if i read that back to myself. Like what hundreds of thoughts do you honestly have stuck up inside your brain for the world to read and listen to? I mean I don’t know, but i do have plenty.

God, I’m so annoying. I sound like a know-it-all. Trust me thats not the vibe at all that I’m trying to go for here. I just want to write about shit that seems relatable, maybe help a brother or sister out, ya know? I don’t know. I also say that a lot: I don’t know. Because i never seem to know what’s next. I like to go with the flow, however clearly that tactic isn’t helping me with any of the types of blocks that I am currently having.

But yeah, anyways, now that i’ve figured out my problem as to why i stopped with my creativity on paper and my writers block, i want to start doing more things to help me get those creative juices flowing again. Like maybe carrying around a sketchbook and journal so i can doodle and jot down anything that inspires me and catches my eye. Maybe i can start taking more pictures of things around me, get inspired by that so i can doodle and write more. I’m not sure. What i do know is that “creative juices” is one of my tag things on Pinterest at the moment so, I’m sure that more social media things can help me figure out my creative juice flow. Who knows? Shrug. Definitely not me, that’s for sure. Because I don’t know.

 

 

**just so i don’t get told off–i do not own the picture that was featured for this post, i found it off google. All rights to the OG artist**

Body Positivity and the Struggle to finally find it

So for a lot of my life, I have always dealt with problems regarding my body and how i looked in the mirror. From the fluctuation of my weight to the hair on my body, I can’t remember a time i was truly happy with the way i looked. Since the 2nd grade and quite literally up until now, i’ve always had problems with my weight. I was and still am, quite hairy as well. And yes, you guessed it, i was bullied in elementary school for the way i looked–fat and hairy. They called me a fat gorilla back in the day. Oh the joys of early 2000s childhood education, am i right?

Anyways, back to the weight thing; I’ve dealt with it since elementary school and ever since then, being told by MOSTLY family members that i was too fat and that “little girls like me shouldn’t be as big as i was”. Which fine, children shouldn’t be too overweight, it’s not healthy. I guess i understand where they were coming from when i was in grade school. They were worried for my health, sure. Let’s go with that. But the reminder that my body never looked however it was “suppose to” look to them was a reminder that i was either: too fat, not pretty enough, or a mix of both. Which, let me remind you in the middle of your prepubescent years and all throughout your puberty years, hearing that shit sucks dude. And hearing these constant reminders that i’m not skinny or i need to lose “just a bit more weight” took a toll on my self-esteem and self-worth and how i viewed myself.

Even when i was at my smallest 3 years ago at about 123 pounds, i was STILL not happy with how i looked. Because all those years of torture from those bullies in grade school and the family members that would remind me that i’m still not skinny enough, took my body positivity away from me. Not to mention what the media portrays on TV with how “women are suppose to look like” and those beautiful Victoria Secret Models, comparing myself to what i was seeing on the media, of course i still wasn’t happy with the way i looked. How can I with all of these unrealistic expectations that i was looking at on the TV? It’s just sad really, that even at my very smallest i wasn’t happy and i’m sure so many other people feel that way too. Being torn down by so many people from a young age really does something to your psyche.

And now here i am. After about 12 years of being ridiculed and told I was “too fat”, I am finally starting to accept the way i look and embrace myself. At almost 21 years old and i am only NOW feeling good about myself, sure, i have my off days where i look at myself in the mirror and don’t like the way i look or how a certain part of me is shaped, but now I can say that it’s okay. That it’s okay to have love handles, that it’s okay that when i sit down my gut decides to have rolls, that it’s okay to have cellulite on my butt and thighs. All of that is okay. I am only human. None of us are perfect human beings with whatever the hell a perfect body looks like. We are all beautiful in our own ways.

So if there is one thing i wish people can stop doing; stop ridiculing others on the way they look. And I’m not just talking about those who are above that “perfect weight” whatever the hell that means, I’m also talking about the thin people. Stop shaming people for being too skinny and stop shaming people for being too fat. You don’t know what is going on in their life for them to look like that. Maybe they’ve always looked the way they have, regardless of what it is. STOP IT. We need to stop tearing people down and start bringing people up. If you feel healthy and good about yourself and you feel like you can own it, girl, WORK IT. Embrace your body and flaunt what you have because baby, we only have one life to live and have only one body to live that life in. So we better own the shit out of ourselves because we are all beautiful human beings no matter what shape we are. Love yourself, it’s hard and it might take a long time to start doing it, but i promise you once you get there it is the best feeling in the world.

 

 

**just so i don’t get told off–i do not own the picture that was featured for this post, i found it off google. All rights to the OG artist**

Take your time, slow down, everyone is where they are in life for a reason

The above statement is something i try to remind myself of often because for some reason, I almost always find myself mentally panicking, thinking that i am just so far behind in life compared to my friends around me. Now, do i actually take this advice from myself? Clearly not, because i am in the middle of being unemployed, indecisive of where i want to go next, and annoyed at the fact that i am about a semester to a year behind in school because of my inability to make the “right” choice for school 3 years ago. And this ladies and gentlemen is me panicking. And it sucks.

It’s funny though, panicking yet trying to be optimistic about the future and what lies ahead at the same time. I panic mostly because i see my friends doing so much more with their lives than i see myself doing currently. However, me doing this isn’t fair to myself given that many of my friends are generally older than me by a couple years, therefore will have more life and “professional”(?) experiences than little 20 year old me. Like of course all of my 22 yr old+ friends will have some type of decent career, living on their own, and other great opportunities i’m sure they’ve had thus far in this young life. However watching this all from afar, sucks because i want to be there where they are, on that cool island where they aren’t stuck. Because I feel stuck. Even though i know i shouldn’t feel stuck because i still have the rest of my life to figure shit out.

Then again, they’re all probably feeling the same way i am. Stuck, not sure as to where they want to go next in their life. Maybe the entire world feels that way. Which leads me back to the title of this little post where i believe that everyone should just take their time and slow down. Because although i feel panicky because i don’t know where to go next in my life, whether it be school, career, or general life wise, everyone is where they are in life for a reason. Maybe I’m suppose to be here, taking my time to figure out my next step, instead of rushing into the next thing that might possibly not be the “right” step. Maybe you’re suppose to be where you are because that *shit* internship that you have is your step before you find that other internship (or maybe job/career!) that you love dearly. Whatever the hell it might be, I think we all just need to take a step back and just relax for a minute or two. Maybe stop worrying about where to go next, because where we are now is probably just as important for us than what comes afterwards.

That was a nice little pep talk that i just gave myself. Now, I think i’m off to actually take my own advice. As for your reading this? Take the advice too, but only if you want. Because who am i to force you to take any type of advice from the internet?

Peace out y’all 

You’re what? Really?! You don’t look/act like one.

So this has been something that’s been essentially apart of my life ever since i was darn born. More so around middle and high school years of my life when labels and categories are what dominated social life back then, not saying they still don’t, but it was more of a problem then compared to now.

What am i talking about? I’m talking about ethnic ambiguity and everyone’s need to place someone in a certain category of race. Now, I think i have just about heard it all. In my 20 years of being alive, i have heard that i look Middle Eastern, Brazilian, Indian, Dominican, Egyptian and so on and so forth. Never once (okay, maybe someone did get it right once, but that’ll come later), has someone actually got what i truly am, correct. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I am none of the above listed, to your wonderment I am actually Colombian-*Puerto Rican. Or if you want to be correct to the highest degree, i was born here so; Colombian-Puerto Rican-American, but I’m not one for labels and that’s truly one massive label.

(*I’m actually not that much Puerto Rican. My dad was born here, but his parents were born in PR. So to keep things simple for people I just say I’m Colombian and as a side note say I’m also a little Puerto-Rican, too. Nonetheless, PR is a beautiful island with great food, culture, and people. Onward with the post now.)

Now, don’t get me wrong, I really don’t care that people guess where I’m from wrong. It’s almost fun having people guess all the countries of the world. What get’s me going is when I finally tell them where I’m from and they’re like “oh….seriously? But you don’t look Colombian”. At this moment i almost always just look at the other person in annoyment, because I know exactly what they’re thinking. They never guessed Colombian because of the fact that I don’t “act” like one. As in, I don’t apparently wear scandalous enough clothing that shows off my body and my figure, I don’t “talk” like the Colombians you see on T.V, **EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE OTHER REGIONS OF COLOMBIA WITH DIFFERENT ACCENTS YOU IGNORANT PEOPLE (sorry, this gets me the most angry)**, or I’m not exerting my sexuality onto everyone that walks by me because apparently that is what people correlate Colombians with, too.

This all annoys me now because not only are they stereotyping Colombian women with these ideas that are shown on TV,  but they also then go on to say that I’m not a “real Colombian” whatever the fuck that means. Which strips me of my pride for my beautiful people and country that my mother had left behind to find a better future for herself here. You can see how this can make me angry. Imagine someone telling you, you aren’t from a certain background because you don’t look like the generic stereotype of that said culture, or because you don’t speak the language right or correctly. Like what kind of bullshit is that? No matter where you come from, there are a million different ways in which people can look like, there is not just one way of looking like you come from a certain place. Don’t make me feel like I am not valid enough to represent my country just because i don’t look or speak a certain way. You’re taking my heritage and pride for my country away from me when you do that and no one should ever have to feel that way.

So just because society has a certain idea in which certain people “should look like” don’t buy into those horrible, degrading, and almost always racist, views. People can look and act however the hell they want to. Everyone is different. Everyone is human. Just because we come from a certain place doesn’t mean that we are all going to look, act, and sound the same. Don’t be so stupid. And for the love of God, yes, i come from a predominantly Colombian background and no, we don’t all look like Sophia Vergara.

Oh look, I finally wrote something

Well, helloooooooo fellow humans of this beautiful planet we reside on. You have absolutely no idea how long it has taken me to finally start whatever the hell this is. Here, I’ll give you a hint: 3 years too many, 3 dumb years to finally get the courage to start a little old blog to let my inner creativity and thoughts finally run free out of the constraints of my noggin.

Now here’s the thing, I’m not going to do some stupid “ice breaker/first blog post” thing that many people tend to do. The whole introducing myself and sharing 50 odd facts about myself seems dumb and unnecessary given that you, reading this post, are probably coming from Facebook. Facebook as in the apparent, what, “400 friends” that I apparently have on there? So hello possible friend, family, foe, and/or acquaintance, you already know my name and probably how to mispronounce my name too, so yeah hi, there is no FUN FACT list on here, sorry to disappoint.

Also, don’t get too excited on the word “CONFESSION” in the title of the blog because lol there is not going to be any type of confessions going on here by me. I have nothing to confess and I’m pretty sure I’m not in church whilst writing any of these posts. I just couldn’t think of a wittier title to make that had the word millennial in it. I’ll most likely just be ranting about things, expressing feelings toward relevant things happening in the world, sharing bomb ass food recipes I’ve made or found, and maybe my dog because, hey, who the hell doesn’t like puppies? So yeah, no confessions here folks. Just disappointing you even more aren’t I? (; I’m full of them don’t you worry, full of buns too. Wait, I meant puns. WHOOPS~

So yes, that is all for this segment of “what the hell is going to come out of this girls mouth”. ‘Twas a short, sweet, and simple little post. I mean i did write quite a lot so maybe not so short but i don’t care, you’ve read this far so something must’ve made you stick around for this long. So thanks fellow humans (if there are any of you actually here lol) for clicking on this link and reading the not so funny contents that resided on this page. I appreciate it. Let’s see what comes out of my mouth next time, shall we?

Byeeeee ☮️

**PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT**

This will most likely be a place for me to just exert any frustration, energy, excitement, news, thoughts, desires, and/or just my time in general. This will be my outlet for my brain and inner self to speak freely. If you and/or anyone else by any chance is easily offended or take things too personally, or just can’t take a joke, I suggest you leave now, peasant. I’m sarcastic af (for those of you who are *too?* old and don’t understand what af means, it means *as fuck*) and will have no filter whatsoever in any of the future blog posts that will come up on this little thing. This thing is for my enjoyment and for the sole purpose of letting me express how i feel on things. So if this is a problem for you, please do not continue to read any further posts, please and thank you.